It's really happening!

A lot has happened within the past week.  I've started fundraising for my mission, told my employer of my plans to go overseas for a year, and created this blog.  Up until now, when I talked about YASC, everything was theoretical.  In the past few days, I've caught myself saying "when I'm in Africa" whereas before I would say "if I go to Africa".  The "if" is gone.  YASC is becoming very real. 

On one hand, I'm excited to finally be making solid plans to go on a trip that I have been dreaming about for years.  But I'm also very anxious.  I think a lot of my anxiety comes from not knowing the details of where I'll be next year.  Will I be in Lesotho, where the hospital is a 45 minute walk from anything resembling a town, most of the people nearby do not have running water, indoor plumbing, or electricity, and I will likely be the only non-local for miles?  Will I be in Cape Town, a stunningly gorgeous, vibrant, modern city that is still nowhere near recovered from decades of hatred?  Or will I be somewhere completely different?  Kenya?  Ghana?  Tanzania?  I don't know!  What kind of work will I be doing?  Will I deliver babies?  Will I teach a health class at a school?  Again, I have no idea. 

What makes all this uncertainty so hard is that part of me wonders if I've made the right decision.  Am I going to miss my husband so much that I lose sight of why I'm doing this in the first place, or will knowing I have someone who supports me no matter what make the transition easier?  Will my dog think I've abandoned her, or will she even notice I'm gone?  Do my family and friends really understand the reasons I'm going?  I feel like all of this will work out, but I have no way to know for sure.

My rector preached a great sermon last Sunday.  It focused on doubting Thomas, but it was really more about how Jesus handled Thomas's doubts.  Instead of reprimanding Thomas for his skepticism, Jesus allowed Thomas to see Him and touch Him.  Jesus offered Thomas exactly the proof he had asked for.  Jesus used Thomas's doubts as an opportunity to grow his faith rather than to cut him down.  The message I got out of all this is that God meets us where we are.  Sure, I'm finding it a little hard to wait and trust that I'm going to end up where I need to be, but I think that's OK.  A little anxiety won't kill me, and it's not going to stop me from moving forward.

Jesus commanded Thomas, "Do not doubt but believe!" This week, I'm praying that God will turn my doubts into belief and calm my anxious thoughts.  I know in the end I will not be led astray.  I am going on a life-changing mission to do awesome work in a place where it is needed.  All the rest is just details.